Tuesday, April 13, 2010

So it's been a lot longer than I expected

Since my last post, it's been over a week. That needs to not happen again, and I will try my best to not let it.

Since this blog is in part having to do with spina bifida, which is something I live with, the idea optimally would be to evenly space out the discussion of both the writing topic, of which I've done the most writing (in my own special sporadic and generally screwed up way), and the spina bifida topic. So far, I've said little to nothing of the latter, the spina bifida aspect that I have.*

When I went to google it (so I could get a much more accurate description of it than I could ever give by myself, going in blindly, etc.), I noticed that typing "what is spi" brings up "what is spina bifida" as one of the suggestions. I was impressed and pleased to find this.

Third or fourth one down, but it's a start.

So what is it anyway?

Well here are some fallacies that I often am approached with:

-Spina bifida hurts.

Not really. There are headaches that come with it, and so forth, but that is not a direct result of spina bifida. Not exactly. My back, or specifically my spine, does not hurt, which is what people tend to think. My spine is an opening. This doesn't hurt.

-Spina bifida controls my life.

This is not the case, for me anyway. You have to be able to come to terms with any setbacks you may have, and learn how to deal with them. Not necessarily cope, because that's saying that you're willing to just let the setback take over. This is not exactly what I'm willing to do. Some people cannot get past this, and I can't say I blame them, though I wish they could get through it.

-I constantly need assistance in just about everything I set out to do.

Seriously, it isn't necessary. Sometimes I may come off as condescending (like if I'm inquiring about a job or something) in stating that I don't always require like minimal tasks only or something like that. I don't mean to come off that way, but it's just frustrating. That's all.

-Spina bifida = retarded

No. It doesn't. Not at all. That's about all I'm gonna say about that. Think before you judge.

Basically, spina bifida is when the spine has become injured from the time of birth. When this happens, it is next to impossible for messages to get from the spine, to the brain, and vice versa. There's a lot more to it, but that shit flies way over my head.

*It does not have me; this is an important thing to keep in mind. Like I said, think before you judge. Don't just automatically assume I need all kinds of help psychologically or something, just because I come off as unfortunate. I'm not, and I realize that.

In fact I'm fortunate to have this experience. That's as real as it comes for me.


Monday, April 5, 2010

So the second part of this blog

should actually be the primary focus but it's not, and there are several reasons for that. But I digress (kinda).

The second reason for this blog is to discuss bits and pieces of a life not-quite shattered by a little condition I was born with known as spina bifida. To start off, I do want to say that I am in a wheelchair, but it does not hurt. It does not make me feel all mopey, either. I generally live life the way many people do. In fact, any day-to-day emotional reactions I have are almost never a condition of my... condition. Har har.

Now, since this is my blog, I expect that I won't be met with the same treatment as I got on certain message boards when I tried to open up about this before. (Years ago--I'm talking YEEAARRRSS ago.) And as such, I am not going to expect to react with the same amount of pent up frustration that will only come out in bitterness. Actually, that bitterness was interpreted by a lot of inactivity, physically moping about, denying that I ever felt sorry for myself, and so forth. I'm shedding that skin, one day at a time.

Also since this is my blog (so, part two of that previous paragraph), things might get a little disorganized here. Chaotic. Fragmented and the like. But I will do my best to clean things up a bit, especially if I want fans and readers. Which I do. I will be posting my daily thoughts on my disability, my writings, and whatever else I come up with, but generally, things around here will be limited to those two.

I'm leaving this open, when you guys start coming through, feel free to contribute with comments or whatever you want.


Sunday, April 4, 2010

Revisiting Dhalgren...

This would probably be my third time attempting to go back and finish reading this massive, regal-proportions 800+ page mammoth of hysteria and confusion. This thing cannot exactly be explained with a whole lot of accuracy, and that's just going by the reviews I've read (all of them).

The novel was written by Samuel R. Delany, and it contains a lot of un-amiguous sex scenes, including several m4m (the author is an openly gay man), as well as strange happenings that occur in a city somewhere in the Midwest region of America. Some of these things include the witnessing of a building that is on fire, and is burning, and it burns... and burns... and... burns... for days on end.

Other buildings will crumble and turn to ash in an impossibly short span of time.

Like I said, I'm only going based off of what I've read in reviews, and, admittedly, a little bit of the plot synopsis from wikipedia. So what is the reason for writing this partial review of a book I've never read in full? It's a journey for me.

Well, that's not that whole truth.

It's also a way to get me motivated to finish this thing, from cover to (ripped)* cover.

Perhaps you guys will motivate me. If you're ever there to read this blog. :)

Well, that's all for now. I won't get started on reading this until probably tomorrow perhaps. I think I'll go to the library, and get some reading of this done there.

*I've had it for long enough now; and it's really big, so for being paperback it's not going to be the strongest material).


Happy Easter! and the Bastardizing of a Legend?

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Easter before I sloppily allowed it to slip my mind.

So I have been a thief. By this I mean, I've been taking the works of well-known musicians and poets and such (no actual prose - for that I simply read it, and determine how it makes me feel, and go from there; quite hard to do, no doubt), and basically... I pull a Burroughs* on much of the whole thing. I take the words, and I cut them up. I switch them around. I add words to the ends of fragments I like, so that it becomes mine. And then I take the original fragment, and I find synonyms (because more often than not, there are edits that it could use to make it in my own voice ANYWAY).

Is this really thievery? What are your thoughts, my not-yet-there friends? Tell me. I must know your opinions.


*P.S. I originally wrote Bukowski, because it was late at night and I wasn't thinking. Corrections have been made as needed and noted.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

The last few nights have been pretty eye-opening...

And I can't explain a word of it.

I don't have any idea how it happened, but it's like I suddenly feel better about some things.

Not perfect, not by any means, not emotionally or by any other standard.

But I am better.

I listened to a couple tracks from a split with my friend's noise/grind solo project.
Pretty brutal shit. Not sure what it's better than, in terms of that style, because I am terrible at figuring all that out. But I dig it.

So, Welcome. I'm a writer with spina bifida.

And You'll understand everything, in time...